Why the IRB Needs Jerks Like Gavin Henson

In the Six Nations competition of 2005, tournament favorite England was visiting the hallowed Millennium Stadium in Wales to take on the Famous Red. In a finger-lickin’ amazing match, the valiant Wales team held their own against their rose-wearing opponents, and the outcome of the game was riding on one man: the silver-booted inside-center, Gavin Henson. In gosh-danged freaking amazing display of clutch athleticism, Henson gently applied the upper-left corner of his Nike Total-90 SG to the size 5 Gilbert match ball in a stone-cold 40-meter goal-scoring kick. The underdogs won the game, and the sunless-tanning pretty boy Gavin Henson clog-danced his way into the heart of rugby fans across the globe.

Since that momentous afternoon more than a year ago, Henson has ran his daggone mouth at reporters, elbowed a fellow player in the face, and generally just kept complaining about how the media has wronged him and how his teammates have let him down. Apparently taking a cue from American professional athletes, Henson has found himself a lovely celebrity girlfriend and even found himself sharing the camera with the notable Ms. Catherine-Zeta Jones in an upcoming film that will most likely suck. On the field, Henson has done little to endear himself to the fans or the scorebook since that remarkable kick. Why then does the IRB tolerate his childish behavior week in and week out? My theory: Henson manages to insert the topic of rugby into media venues that would normally not give a fat-butted walrus fart about the sport. People whose familiarity with rugby is limited to that one episode of Friends may seek further intel on this dork whose man-prettiness and extreme petulance have landed him on the front of newspapers and billboards everywhere! So, for this bloke’s efforts in advancing the public awareness of the swingin’ sport of rugby, cheerio! I love you Gavin Henson! I love you ‘cause you’re pretty like a girl! God bless us, every one.
studentweb.anderson.edu/~rrwolfgang
-Ryan