Inconceivable. Predictable.

"Our God is the finder of lost things." The preceding quote is one that I can usually count on hearing from my ma in the event that I mention to her that I have mislaid something or other. I have historically dealt with such crushing platitudes with a blank face and a silent mouth, but this week, it may as well have been tattooed on my left temple.

Last Friday, I decided that I needed to locate my passport. I’m going to be headed to Vancouver, BC, this Saturday and I’ve come to understand that they don’t let you in unless you have one. Long story short, my passport didn’t turn out to be where I thought it was, so I called ma and asked if she knew where it was. Ma said her thing (or some variation thereof), and the next day while I’m visiting, bam, I remember where I left it.

This evening, I decided I needed to go buy a loaf of bread but I couldn’t locate my wallet. After checking the usual hiding places, it occurred to me that the last place that I definitively knew that it was in my possession was at rugby practice. By Macholtz Stadium. In the middle of a big muddy field.

Considering all the necessary dynamics, it seemed unlikely that I had lost my wallet at practice, but I couldn’t seem to come up with any better ideas. That being the case, I grabbed my Energizer WeatherReady (TM) flashlight and headed back to the field to retrace my steps.

Since this circumstance was so reminiscent of the debacle I faced on Friday, I felt like I should probably say a prayer. I mean, it worked before, right? So I did that, and set myself to the task at hand, all the while feeling kind of foolish for sloshing around in a muddy field after dark looking for a mud-colored billfold that probably wasn’t even out there.

After about ten minutes of fruitless effort, I felt like I couldn’t justify being out there any longer. I stared off into the distance for a few beats, thinking about my unrewarded endeavor and muttered “Inconceivable” even though not finding a mud-colored billfold in a muddy field after dark when it probably wasn’t even there was not really inconceivable at all. Considering this, I smirked and muttered “Predictable” and turned to leave. I had barely rotated the full 180° necessary to point myself towards the parking lot when there in front of me, caught squarely in the aimless beam of my flashlight, was my wallet. Bam.

It’s possible that my having found my wallet had nothing to do God wanting to do me a solid. Maybe it was just a fortunate happening. I wouldn’t criticize anybody for thinking that. But given all the variables, my official perspective is that there’s no way it was just a fortunate happening.

Those are two pretty cool episodes, but you know, life isn’t all beer and skittles. I got a lousy diagnosis concerning my wrist. Somebody thinks I need surgery. Granted, that person is not a doctor, but I still think that he probably knows what he’s talking about.

If only it were this simple. I’m pretty sure that my parents still use IE6. After reading this, ma’ll probably deny it though.

-Ryan