Spacial Profiling

I had a cup of freshly brewed Colombian Dark Roast sitting on my desk and I figured I should prepare some delicious Pop-Tarts to go with it. The nearest toaster is in the commons area of the building in which I work but with it being summer break,it sees very little traffic. As I plunked my orthogonal pastries into the convection slots, I noted only two students lounging about: a mousey-looking hipster and a Neanderthalic bulk wearing an AU Athletics t-shirt. I went back to my office for a moment to iron my socks, and when I returned to collect my Pop-Tarts, only the hipster remained and he was standing by the toaster, waiting for whatever he had in the microwave to finish cooking. When he left, I walked up to the toaster and discovered that one of my Pop-Tarts was missing. My first instinct was to laugh because the idea of somebody stealing a Pop-Tart is funny. But things got serious when I realized that I would now only be able to eat half as many Pop-Tarts as originally estimated. Despite what my second-grade journal entries would have you believe, I'm no detective. That being the case, my conviction that the missing troglodyte absconded with my Pop-Tart really can't be counted as anything more than spacial profiling.

-Ryan